How Did We Get Here?

She walked into my office, I could see in her eyes and the redness shooting up her neck, I’m joining your club!

Tears uncontrolably fall on my face – NO LYNN you are not allowed I was screaming in my head!!!  Lynn, one of my best friends for years, one of my wonderful employees, one of the ones who has always stood by my side during my dark times and laughing by my side during the bright.

One of the strongest women I know sat by me with fear in her eyes, but a sense of “I got this, I know what to expect”.  She had been so proactive in her health.  Staying on top of her mammograms every year, even before the suggested 40 year old start date.  This girl gets up every day to exercise and other than the sweet tooth (like mine) she is very conscious of her eating decisions.  WHY LYNN?  Paula, another one of my dear friends had the same fate just 2 years earlier, we go way back, but we didn’t want to go forward in this club.

It’s amazing to see everyone react so differently to the cancer diagnosis, and we must respect them all, and there have been no surprises with Lynn, she is so strong in her faith and she also has seen what modern day medicine means for breast cancer.  Paula, our “breast” friend Elaine, and I are thriving and surviving and because she got the “C” card to enter the club she knows that the “S” card is the next step “survivor”.  She has always supported all of our breast cancer gatherings, but there were a few she couldn’t, only from a far, she needed the “c” card to get in.  We joked so many times when we would pick out 3 pinks items, but get Lynn a blue one, she was a part of us, no part of of the pink parade.

Well, things have changed now, how did we get here….Lynn watched each one of us use our faith, be pursuent with her medical care, and stay on top of things.  Another mamogram with a concerning spot sent her to an order of a MRI, insurance intervened and a biopsy was needed first.  Her family with her she did the biopsy, of course a little concern, but there was no way there could be 4 40 year olds in the group.  And then that fateful day in December the word cancer word shattered our theory.

I sit here today, giving her husband one less day off of work for a day full of test and no result, I wait in the waiting room.  I know what she is about to do, MRI, the “loud” test.  I’ve had many throughout my journey, my best advise to Lynn, focus on God.  I have done this since the start of my cancer journey.  I would focus on the light in the room, the machine, or if my eyes closed, my own light.  All those scans, tests, surgeries, the LIGHT help console my nerves.

She leaves for the test, I bow my head and pray, let the light continue to guide my friend.